The desire for emotional support from parents is a natural and deeply ingrained aspect of being human.
It is in fact built into our biology and physiology. It’s rooted in survival. Furthermore, this is intensely true as children but doesn’t disappear as we become adults. Additionally, as adults, we can feel the need for parental acceptance and it can intensify as we raise our own children. However, some parents consistently fall short of meeting these emotional needs. This can lead to frustration and disappointment. In such situations, it becomes crucial to explore healthier ways to manage these expectations and seek emotional fulfillment from alternative sources.
Understanding the Dynamics
To start, it is crucial to recognize what dynamics are at play before looking into strategies to cope with unmet emotional needs. Parents who struggle with emotional immaturity or narcissistic tendencies frequently fail to be able to see their adult child’s perspective or emotional needs. This can impact their ability to provide the support their adult children seek. Moreover, the parent’s upbringing, personal struggles, and capacity for empathy may hinder their ability to effectively address their emotional needs.
Shift Focus Inward
It’s natural to seek validation and emotional support from your parents. However, when they repeatedly fail to meet those needs, it’s time to shift your focus inward. Reflect on your own emotions, strengths, and coping mechanisms. What is the need that you are seeking your parents to meet? What is the emotion that needs validation? Building self-awareness and self-compassion can empower you. You can find emotional stability within yourself, reducing dependence on external validation.
Manage Expectations
Set realistic expectations regarding your parents. Recognize their limitations. Understand that they might not be able to provide the level of emotional support you desire. Or that you deserve. By managing your expectations, you can reduce disappointment and frustration. You can also begin to cultivate your own ability to “parent” yourself.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries
is essential to protect your emotional well-being. Initially, you must determine what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable from your parents. Remember boundaries are what you are willing to tolerate. They are rules for your own behavior, not someone else’s. Your parents are allowed to behave the way they choose. Your boundaries are how you will respond if they choose not to honor your wishes. For example, if your parent minimizes your feelings, you may not share your feelings about that situation with them. Or if they yell at you, you may no longer participate in the discussion.
Some boundaries require clear and consistent communication. In contrast, others do not need to be discussed. All boundaries require you to follow through on meeting your own needs when a boundary is crossed. Setting limits can help you regain a sense of control. Moreover, it can protect you from ongoing emotional distress.
Embrace Self Compassion
A child’s response to unmet emotional needs may be to deny their needs or berate themself for having needs. Other times it’s to desperately try to get those needs met. As an adult, you may find your inner child taking control and falling into these same strategies. In these moments, acknowledge your self-awareness. With self-awareness comes the ability to reflect on the why of your behaviors. Learn to exercise self-compassion when you find yourself falling into old patterns that don’t work.
Meet Your Needs
Validate your inner needs and emotional experiences. Listen to that voice in your head. Is she berating you for making a mistake? Are you gaslighting yourself? Cultivate kindness, compassion, and caring. Listen to your body. Is it exhausting and asking for rest? Does it need love and attention? Engage in activities that promote self-care and emotional well-being. Become attuned to the ways your mind and body communicate with you. Prioritizing your own well-being will make you more resilient in managing unmet emotional needs.
Seek Support from Others
In continuation, while parents play a significant role in our lives, they aren’t the only source of emotional support. Friends, mentors, chosen family, and therapists can provide valuable perspectives, guidance, and empathy. As an adult child of narcissistic parents, you may feel uneasy or disloyal when seeking out others to provide the support you expect from your parents. Whether your parents have been involved to the point of intrusion or fairly disconnected, it is important to develop the ability to cultivate healthy relations with others. Nurture relationships with people who authentically care about your feelings and are willing to listen and offer support.
Communicate Directly
When parents are unable to meet their child’s emotional needs, these needs go underground. They abandon direct requests for support. This can get in the way of adults seeking support from others. Use your developing self-awareness and self-compassion to identify your emotional needs. Practice expressing them directly to others. This will seem strange, maybe even scary at first, but will get easier over time. If you like flowers for your birthday, ask your partner for them. If you need emotional validation and you are not looking for problem-solving, let your friend know. Be clear about your needs and willing to discuss them with your support system.
Therapy and Counseling
If the emotional strain becomes overwhelming, seeking therapy or counseling can be incredibly beneficial. A trained professional can help you navigate your feelings. They can provide tools for managing expectations. Additionally, they can guide you toward healthier ways to cope with unmet emotional needs.
Navigating the complexities of unmet emotional needs from parents is a challenging journey. Recognize the importance of seeking emotional support from alternative sources. Develop a strong sense of self for a more fulfilling and balanced life. By practicing self-care, seeking support from others, and managing your expectations, you can find ways to heal and thrive. This is possible even in the absence of the emotional support you hoped for from your parents. Remember that you have the power to shape your emotional well-being. You can create a life that is rich with meaningful connections and personal growth.
Overcome Abuse from A Narcissist With A Trauma Therapist in Scotch Plains or Branchburg, NJ
Processing emotional trauma caused by a narcissistic family member(s) can be difficult. That’s why the skilled therapists at our Scotch Plains and Branchburg, NJ offices offer EMDR therapy for children, teens, and adults. With EMDR therapy or telehealth counseling, we can help you process your own trauma. If you want to stop the cycle of the narcissistic family and heal your trauma follow these simple steps:
- Reach out to Brave Minds Psychological Services
- Meet with an understanding counselor
- Break the cycle and heal from your emotional trauma
Brave Minds Psychological Services Other Counseling Options in New Jersey
EMDR Therapy isn’t the only service that our skilled therapists offer at Brave Minds Psychological Services. For adults, we provide trauma therapy, food allergy therapy, and couples counseling. We offer counseling for parents along with postpartum counseling, and birth trauma therapy. Supporting teens and children is also important to us. This is why we offer teen anxiety treatment, social phobia therapy for teens, child sexual abuse therapy, child anxiety treatment, and more. If you are wanting to connect with peers going through similar struggles we offer several options for group therapy. Our services are offered in person at our Scotch Plains and Branchburg, NJ offices and through telehealth counseling in New Jersey.
