The AuDHD Mother’s Handbook: Affirming Therapy for Women in Branchburg, NJ
Children are such joys, blessings, gifts. They are also loud, messy, unpredictable, and in a word, overstimulating. There are endless demands in parenthood. For neurodivergent mothers, the demands of parenthood can be particularly taxing.
There is that nagging thought, that fear of never being able to meet the demands of motherhood. And the waves of shame and embarrassment of being labeled “that mother” when it is hard enough to just exist in the world.
Let’s talk about how a mom’s neurodivergent brain processes these countless demands of motherhood.
When ADHD Meets Motherhood’s Endless DemandsFor someone with ADHD, the endless schedules can feel overwhelming and taxing. A never-ending stream of questions-
With kids each in different activities how do you keep track of everything? Did you manage to drop off one child at dance lessons, run home to start dinner, and pick up the other child from sports? Did you remember all your kids? It feels like you’re forgetting something…
What about homework? Did you ask about homework while driving the kids to play practice?
Wait, when is the play and did you remember to get tickets…?
Even if you make it out on time, your child is NOT ready. In fact, it took them twenty minutes to leave the house. And then, they forgot their water bottle. Now you have to go and come back, then once again you are late. Is there any part of this where you don’t feel like a failure?
In an attempt to avoid this shame or label your anxiety might kick in. The next day, in all the chaos and overstimulation, you yelled at the kids to get ready faster. Now you have the stress and shame, and your kids are angry with you. But, ugh, don’t they see how much you do for them?? Don’t they know managing traffic and schedules is running a marathon?? You’re trying your best and completely exhausted.
And if you miss one step in these endless demands, you become the mother who is: forgetful, spacy, late. The mother whose kid gets sent home with a nice note reminding you of what you missed. To the world, you are not the Autistic mother who navigated rush hour traffic while in sensory overload. You’re the mother who “should just wake up earlier”. Not the mother with ADHD who made sure their kids did get to practice that day, because that is what matters most. Just the mother who is always late. The world does not see or know your internal struggles.
Neurodivergent Moms: You Are Not A Failure
Neurodivergent Moms: You Are Not A FailureAffirming Strategies
The demands of the world will always exist, and your needs will always exist. And it is ok to make space in your world for self care and compassion. Juggling the schedules and regulating your emotions is a struggle. Give yourself credit for making it, rather than reflecting on the lateness. Doing so, we also model behaviors we want to pass down to our children.
By recognizing and honoring our own needs we pass this skill to our children. You can teach your child that it is ok to be late, because your body’s needs are just as important as the demands of the world.
When your autistic child needs that one outfit that feels right – even if it’s a princess dress in winter – you have a choice. You can either force them into “appropriate” clothes and deal with a meltdown, or support their sensory needs and face the judgmental looks at school drop-off. By choosing your child’s comfort over others’ opinions, you’re teaching them valuable lessons about self-advocacy and authenticity.
Remember: you are not the late mother, you are the mother who’s teaching her child how to create manageable schedules while living with ADHD. You’re not the parent who can’t dress their child. You are the parent showing your child that it’s okay to prioritize their needs over society’s expectations
Creating Calm Amid Chaos: ADHD & Autism Support
Autistic persons benefit and also need time away from sensory inputs. This time away is defined as a quiet, alone space where you choose what you do. I know, most parents reading that list just rolled their eyes. A quiet place you are in control of, where no one can bother you. Parents know that need too well–even the bathroom got ruled out as a private space when your child learned to crawl.
And yet that need does exist – and it is ok to need and request what you need to be a healthy version of you. You are a parent, you are still a person. A person with needs that might not always fit in with the demands of the environment. Some days it just becomes all too much. You’re trying your best, running a daily marathon as a full-time working neurodivergent mother. Unlike a real marathon, there’s no finish line, no cheering crowd. In fact, there is no ending line. And instead of fans, there is shame. And the feeling that you are a failure as a parent. But remember: you are not a failure. You are a person who is managing hidden demands and still showing up.
Because parenthood isn’t a competition to be won. There is no getting it perfect, despite the lies of social media shows. The truth is, the demands of life will never be satisfied. You and your child are what matter. So taking care of your needs matters.
So tonight dinner is whatever you can reach in the cabinet while mom takes a bath. Maybe not ideal, and you might get shamed on the mommy blogs. But really you deserve praise. You have taught your child the importance of self-care. Taught your child that it is ok to make mistakes, and not be perfect. You have also taught them how to be self-sufficient and make a meal out of tuna fish and potato chips (they are going to rule in college).
You Deserve Support that Understands Your Neurodivergent Journey
Motherhood is demanding, and when you’re a neurodivergent mom, the challenges of parenting can feel even more overwhelming. Balancing ADHD, autism, sensory sensitivities, and the endless responsibilities of motherhood can be exhausting—but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our team of experienced therapists understands the unique struggles of neurodiversity and are here to support you with strategies tailored to your needs and your family’s well-being.
We offer in-person and online therapy services from our Scotch Plains, NJ, and Branchburg, NJ-based practice. To start your therapy journey, please call us at (908) 224-7727 or follow these simple steps:
- Contact Brave Minds Psychological Services for a free consultation
- Talk with a compassionate therapist who understands the challenges of neurodivergent parenting
- Get the support you deserve to help both you and your child thrive
You are not failing—you are doing your best in a world that wasn’t built with neurodivergent mothers in mind. Let’s take the next step toward support and understanding together.
A Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapist and More are Available Near Somerville NJ
At Brave Minds Psychological Services, we understand the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent mothers.. In addition to Therapy for moms, we provide specialized treatment for anxiety in children, child sexual abuse therapy, and teen counseling, including anxiety treatment and social phobia therapy. Our adult therapy services include anxiety treatment, couples therapy, postpartum depression counseling, OCD treatment, bereavement counseling, and food allergy therapy. We also specialize in trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, offering support for birth trauma, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, equestrian trauma, and sexual assault survivors.
No matter the challenges you or your loved ones are facing, our compassionate therapists are here to help. Contact Brave Minds Psychological Services today to begin your journey toward healing and support.
