Insights From A Selective Mutism Therapist in NJ
As a parent of a child diagnosed with selective mutism, and a therapist working with children with the same diagnosis, I can relate to the challenges that come with being selectively mute. And while I can understand the experiences of parents in the same situation I was in, I cannot tell you what it is like to live as a person with selective mutism. Thankfully, I was afforded the opportunity to connect with Shay Siegel and gain new insights into what it’s like to be a person diagnosed with selective mutism.
Overcoming Selective Mutism – A Firsthand Account From Shay
Shay Siegel is a published author from Long Island, NY. She was diagnosed with selective mutism at the age of seven. She has grown into a young woman, an accomplished writer, a competitive tennis player, and an advocate for selective mutism and mental health awareness.
Shay afforded me the opportunity to connect with her, ask her questions, and develop valuable insight into what it was like for her to grow up with selective mutism. Now, I have a better understanding of the first-hand experience of living with this anxiety-based social communication disorder. From our interaction, I was able to determine the importance of continuing to educate parents, teachers, therapists, and other people involved in your child’s life on the needs of children diagnosed with selective mutism.
Shay’s Story With Selective Mutism
After receiving the diagnosis of selective mutism, Shay shared how there were no supports put in place within the school environment. She did not receive accommodations through a 504 Plan or services with an Individualized Education Program (IEP). Shay recalled how there were “many poor experiences throughout my youth due to the lack of understanding of selective mutism.” The research-tested behavioral therapy PCIT-SM wasn’t something that people in Shay’s life knew about. As a result, there were challenges in overcoming selective mutism. Shay stated, “I sometimes wonder what sort of progress I could have made if my parents had had a better understanding.”
Many of the challenges that Shay recalled involved school and the struggle that came in the classroom when she would be called upon to speak. Like many children with selective mutism, Shay couldn’t verbally respond. While some teachers tried to understand her and make her comfortable, there were others who would single her out or even penalize her grades due to her lack of (spoken) participation. Other challenges included being on vacation and attending a camp at the vacation resort. Being selectively mute proved to be detrimental for Shay. As a result, she was bullied by other kids for not speaking. Instead of enjoying this new experience, making friends, and having fun, Shay stuck closely to the camp counselors in an attempt to make herself feel safer.
When Others Don’t Understand Selective Mutism
The experiences that Shay described resonate with me and hit close to home. When my own child was diagnosed with selective mutism there were people who would mock her for not being able to speak in certain situations. People who were supposed to look out for my child… failed to do that. It is difficult to hear that these things are happening to your child. But, it highlights the importance of taking action and advocating for your family. Oftentimes, this means seeking out treatment to help overcome selective mutism and knowing your options. Some people may not have heard of being selectively mute, and educating them is imperative. That can be the babysitter who looks after your child, the camp counselor, the teacher in the classroom, or even your child’s grandparents.
Socializing With Selective Mutism
Shay went on to discuss how when she was a young child she had one best friend; a quiet girl with whom she was able to ‘be herself’. As she recalled these memories, she seemed surprised that she had been able to establish and maintain a friendship during her school years. As she grew older, it became more difficult for her to make friends and be in situations where engaging with peers was expected. Shay explained that during her college years, her friends were her teammates on the tennis team. Those friendships formed because of the time that they spent together during practice.
However, Shay found it challenging to make friends in the classroom or in unstructured environments. As a therapist working with children with selective mutism, I hear the challenges of speaking to friends from both my clients and their parents. It is an area where parental involvement can be needed; setting up playdates in comfortable settings with one child at a time and utilizing the techniques learned in PCIT-SM to encourage brave talking.
Shay’s Journey Of Self-Expression
When discussing how being selectively mute shaped her life, Shay was able to discuss that there were both positive and negative aspects to this. On one hand, Shay recounted the struggles she experienced; the inability to speak up when she would have liked to, missing out on opportunities because of her inability to speak, such as: not being able to network, connect, or make friends. Something that Shay stated struck me: “… feeling like I’m not part of what is happening around me.” When I heard this it made me think of the clients that I see and how helping them develop the tools to overcome selective mutism is necessary so they can be included, and involved, in their own life and not feel like they are on the outside.
As a writer, Shay was able to delve deeper into her art because she found a non-verbal avenue to express herself. This expression came through her writing and Shay became a strong listener and observer. As a published author, Shay has been able to carve a career for herself and channel the strengths that came out of her selective mutism diagnosis. She found peace by spending time at the beach, and in nature, which helped shape her writing. Shay struggled with feeling connected to people. But, it did not hinder her from being a member of a competitive Division 1 tennis team in college.
Advice For Overcoming Selective Mutism
For someone who is diagnosed with selective mutism, based on her experience, Shay feels that the best thing one can do is to understand what the diagnosis means. She feels it is important to educate the people in your life. By doing so, they are able to understand what it means to have selective mutism. For younger children receiving the diagnosis, parents and therapists will play a key role in educating school personnel and family members. There is now more research and literature available on selective mutism and how to treat it.
One thing I loved that Shay stated was when she emphasized:
“It’s important to accept yourself because there are strengths that can be developed from selective mutism and it is part of what makes us unique.”
Finding Hope For The Future
Today, Shay lives on Long Island. From growing up near the beach, she finds peace in nature. She explained because she grew up selectively mute, her need to write was shaped. She is the author of a young adult novel, Fractured, and a collection of poetry, Bleeding Flowers. Shay hopes to write more young adult fiction novels in the future but works as a copywriter and email marketer for different e-commerce companies. She finds applying her writing skills to a new field both rewarding and challenging.
Shay attended Tulane University where she not only played Division 1 tennis for the school but graduated with her BA in English. She went on to earn a Master’s Degree in Fine Art in Creative Writing from Sarah Lawrence College. She loves animals, nature, heavy metal and rock music, fitness, and spending time with the people who are important to her.
Treatment For Selective Mutism In NJ Is Here
First, I want to thank Shay for collaborating with me on this blog. I appreciate her honesty and rawness about growing up being selectively mute.
Second, I want those struggling with selective mutism to know that help is available. Early intervention for selective mutism with child therapy for anxiety helps in successful outcomes. Identifying, diagnosing, and treating selective mutism as early as possible is key to helping your child progress. If you have observed your child being silent for two months or more, then it might be time to consider reaching out.
Start Working with A Selective Mutism Therapist in Somerville, NJ, Branchburg, NJ, and Beyond!
If your child is struggling with being selectively mute, early intervention is essential. Our team of caring therapists is here to provide the support that you and your child deserve. You can connect with a selective mutism therapist who can provide guidance and support. Together, you can get the resources needed for your child to thrive. Start your therapy journey with Brave Minds Psychological Services by following these simple steps:
- Contact Brave Minds Psychological Services for a free consultation
- Meet with a caring therapist
- Start getting early intervention for selective mutism today!
Other Services Offered by Brave Minds Psychological Services
Selective mutism therapy isn’t the only service that our team offers for child mental health. Other services offered include therapy for child anxiety, food allergies, sexual abuse, and equestrian anxiety. For teens, we provide anxiety treatment for teens, teen social phobia therapy, and therapy for driving anxiety. We also specialize in adult anxiety counseling, postpartum counseling, birth trauma therapy, and sexual assault counseling for adults. We also provide online therapy, group therapy, couples counseling, and child therapy.
