As I reflect on my own grief hearing about the passing of former One Direction member, Liam Payne, I find myself wondering, how can the death of someone you’ve never met feel like losing a friend? As a teen therapist and grief counselor, this is also a question I often hear from clients after the death of a celebrity. When a celebrity suddenly passes away, especially unexpectedly, it can leave a surprisingly big void. It has the ability to evoke a sense of loss that can seem largely disproportionate for someone we only knew through a screen, stage or stadium. However, public figures shape our lives in many areas. They become deeply embedded in our everyday lives and our identities, even if we have never met them face to face. We connect with celebrities in so many ways:
- The music they create can speak to our happiest times or our most personal struggles
- Their shows or movies can be a source of comfort and connection
- Their achievements on the field or court can inspire us to dream bigger
The grief that follows this loss can be confusing and overwhelming. There are many misconceptions on social media. Some say that fans mourning the loss of someone they looked up to “isn’t real”. But, the truth is that grief is a natural response to losing a connection that feels real. Even if that connection was “one-sided” and it is okay to show ourselves compassion and to mourn this loss. If you feel isolated or judged in your grieving, counseling in New Jersey can help you feel less alone.
Why We Grieve Celebrity Deaths
Celebrities like Liam Payne can play significant roles in our lives. It’s not just about grieving their life, but also their work. Their work had the power to resonate so deeply with ours. It is important to consider the impact their work had on us. This helps us better understand why their death feels so significant.
Music and lyrics especially, have the power to evoke strong emotional reactions, and elicit a memory tied to specific moments in time.
Their work becomes present in our lives and can become part of our routines. Celebrities and their work, especially in pop culture, have big impacts. And when we lose that celebrity, we may feel like we are losing a part of ourselves or a part of our pasts. The loss isn’t just about them- its about what they represented. The loss can feel like the end of an era, and trigger nostalgia. This reminds us of our own pasts and can force us to think about our lives which can intensify the grief.
We also recognize that celebrities are people with families, friends and loved ones of their own. Because grief is a universal human experience, we not only feel grief for the celebrity, but also empathy for their loved ones who are suffering.
The death of a well-known celebrity, much like the loss of someone we know, forces us to confront our own mortality which can trigger feelings of existential anxiety and vulnerability. When someone famous dies, especially when they are young and the death is unexpected, we face the reality that life is fragile. This is an uncomfortable truth.
For some, celebrities and their works become a source of comfort or even escape. Their loss can feel like the loss of a coping mechanism. Their death can feel even more personal to fans who have connected or projected a personal experience or life-changing event onto the celebrity.
Parasocial Relationships
Parasocial relationships have become a topic heavily debated and discussed in recent years, especially on social media. As social media has become more and more prominent, parasocial relationships have become stronger than ever. This is a trend that I am also noticing in the therapy room as a teen counselor and a grief therapist in Scotch Plains, NJ. I find myself having more and more conversations in therapy about parasocial relationships and grief.
Parasocial relationships refer to one-sided relationships a person develops with someone they do not know, most often celebrities or influencers.
Though recently becoming more mainstream, the term was actually coined in 1956 by psychologists Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl in reference to viewers becoming very attached to the characters they were watching on television. Although parasocial relationships aren’t real and exist solely in the mind of the person who is experiencing the relationship, they can certainly feel real. Fans who project their feelings, thoughts and experiences onto the celebrity, or see similarities in them, can create a relationship that feels as strong as real-life relationships.
Humans are designed to be social creatures, and when we are repeatedly exposed to celebrities through social media or TV, we start to feel fondness for them. Some research suggests the more social we are the more likely we are to develop parasocial relationships. Conversely, conflicting research suggests we may also develop parasocial relationships out of loneliness. While it is unclear why we develop parasocial relationships, most research suggests that they are harmless and very common.
Social Media and News Coverage
Social media is a double edged sword. It has the ability to keep us connected to one another and gives us access to round the clock news coverage. However, this constant ability to scroll can take its toll on us. Constant videos and media about the celebrity’s death can amplify grief, which in turn makes it feel more personal and prolonged. For this reason, it is important to understand the negative effects that social media can have.
Constant exposure to news articles and tributes by fans or other artists can make us feel stuck in grief.
Interacting with the content fed to us in the endless scrolling on Tik Tok or Instagram only fuels the algorithm to provide more of the same content, literally trapping you in it. While it is true that social media allows you to connect with others who may be sharing in the mourning, it can also intensify emotions as people react to or interact with their stories and content. The constant likes, shares and comments can create an echochamber for the grief, reinforcing it further and making it harder for individuals to process their own feelings independently. Social media can also lead to feelings of comparison and pressure to feel or express things a certain way. Seeing one fan completely devastated might lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt if you are not reacting the same way, which is not helpful in the grief process.
It is always important to take breaks from social media, but can be especially helpful to do so during times of grief. Set boundaries and limits for how much coverage you consume to prevent yourself from becoming overwhelmed with the constant influx.
How to Process the Grief
In times of loss, community can be so vital. In my own scrolling through social media, I saw so many fans discussing reconnecting with old friends that they shared memories specific to Liam and One Direction with. This is what leaning into community can be like. Discussing and processing the loss with others who may be feeling similarly to you can be so validating and promote feelings of universality. You aren’t alone in feeling sad, shocked or angry. It is a good reminder that there are many others out there that are also feeling the shockwaves of grief. Online communities such as Reddit can be helpful in connecting with others. They provide a sense of shared mourning and comfort. There are so many fans and others finding a greater sense of community and connection following his recent death in the subreddits r/LiamPayne and r/OneDirection.
Channeling your grief into creative endeavors can provide an outlet for your feelings.
Grief is a powerful and very human experience that can give us an opportunity to be expressive through creativity. As a Grief therapist in Scotch Plains, NJ, creativity is one of my favorite techniques to help clients process their grief. Can you create art, write or engage in some other project that may be inspired by the celebrity? Perhaps there is a fan tribute or a charity event that they were closely associated with that you can be a part of. Don’t just sit with the grief- do something creative with it.
Revisiting their work in moderation can help celebrate their legacy and help us feel connected. However, knowing your limits is key. When you are grieving, counseling can help you find a balance between honoring or remembering the person and devolving into sadness. Don’t force yourself to listen to their music, or watch their films if it feels too raw and overwhelming to do so. Practice self-care and self-compassion by listening to your needs and engaging in activities that bring you joy or relaxation to balance out the grief. Maintaining healthy routines, like sleep, exercise, eating and socializing are helpful in managing feelings of grief. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel, whether that be sad, angry or numb without judging yourself for it. Acknowledge and accept that your feelings are valid, because they are, even if others don’t understand.
Seek Professional Help If needed
If the grief is starting to interfere with your daily life, such as skipping class or negatively impacting your relationships, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Grief has the ability to trigger other mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression. Celebrity grief can also unexpectedly trigger previous experiences of grief in your personal life. A grief therapist in New Jersey can help you better understand your own emotional reactions and process your grief.
Grieving the death of a celebrity may feel strange. Know that it is a real and valid emotional experience that can touch us in unexpected and profound ways. Their impacts are far reaching and they become part of our most personal milestones and memories. Coping with celebrity loss means
- Giving ourselves permission to feel the wide array of emotions that come with grief
- Honoring the connections celebrities have to our past, present and future
- Being kind to and gentle with ourselves when others may not understand or try to invalidate our experience
- Seeking therapy for grief and loss if the grief begins to interfere with your daily life
Remember that it’s okay to grieve, to reflect on the happiness and joy their life and work brought, and to find solace in the shared experiences of the community who feel similarly.
Begin Counseling with a Grief Therapist in Scotch Plains and Branchburg, NJ
Life can be brighter and more hopeful, with grief counseling at Brave Minds Psychological Services. Our caring therapists in Branchburg and Scotch Plains are waiting to give you the best grief counseling available. If you’d prefer to meet with a counselor via video session, we can offer online therapy in New Jersey. To get connected with a grief therapist, follow a few simple steps:
- Connect with Brave Minds Psychological Services today for a free consultation phone call.
- Get your questions answered by one of our compassionate grief counselors.
- Begin feeling more hopeful about your life from today forward.
Other Services Offered at Brave Minds Psychological Services
Grief therapy is not the only service we offer from our Scotch Plains and Branchburg, NJ-based therapy practice. Other services offered include online therapy, trauma therapy, anxiety treatment for children, child sexual abuse therapy, anxiety treatment for teens, teen social phobia therapy, adult anxiety counseling, couples counseling, counseling for parents, postpartum counseling, birth trauma therapy, sexual assault counseling for adults, and food allergy therapy.
